Method & scoring

Relationship Patterns

An original 12-question reflection checklist. It summarizes the behavior you report, without assigning an attachment type or assessing your partner. It has not been validated as an attachment assessment.

What we ask

Answer about your own behavior in one current or recent relationship, using the past three months. Choose Not applicable when a situation has not happened.

12 items · Instrument version: relationship-checkin-12-en-v1

How the report is calculated

The first nine items describe reported behaviors. With at least six applicable answers, we identify whether seeking contact (items 1 or 2) and taking distance (items 4, 5, or 6) were reported at least sometimes. Items 3, 7, 8, and 9 remain visible as communication context.

Items 10 and 11 record the situation and what you know. They are never folded into a trait score. If item 12 indicates concern or uncertainty about pressure or threats, the report prioritizes private support. The checklist cannot determine whether a relationship is safe.

Answer-quality checks

We display a review reminder when at least eight rated items all receive the same response, or completion takes less than one second per item on average. For Big Five, we also check five related item pairs (1/6, 3/38, 5/40, 15/30, 7/32): three or more differences of at least three scale points after reverse scoring trigger a reminder.

These are transparent heuristics, not validated lie detection or reliability estimates. Different situations can explain differences. A reminder does not change scores or hide a report. They cannot prevent deliberate manipulation.

Items and scoring key

1. When I have not heard from my partner, I send another message before they reply. (behavior)
2. When contact changes without an explanation, I interpret it as a sign that my partner is losing interest. (behavior)
3. When I need reassurance, I tell my partner directly what I would like to know. (behavior)
4. When a conversation feels difficult, I postpone it without saying when I will be ready to return. (behavior)
5. After a moment of closeness, I find myself wanting less contact. (behavior)
6. When I need time alone, I step back before explaining that need to my partner. (behavior)
7. When we pause a difficult conversation, we both agree on when to return to it. (behavior)
8. I ask my partner what amount of contact works for them and explain what works for me. (behavior)
9. If an agreement about contact stops working for me, I bring it up again. (behavior)
10. If you have both sought more contact and pulled away, when did this happen? (context)
11. What do you know about a recent change in contact? (context)
12. Are you concerned about threats, pressure, or being unable to say no in this relationship? (context)